Relapse

I guess you've been wondering....

you: Hey! What happened to FU Sugar Jane? She left off at cereal and we haven't seen her since?
me: (crickets)

But.
Ack.

You probably guessed it...

Relapse!
Into the sugary depths!
Swimming in a sea of delicious body-numbing-bone-crunching-cancer-causing-sugar.

Ohhhh sugar you beeyatch, you snuck back in the door and now you're lying around with big belly and your dirty feet on my coffee table. Your sweaty socks are stinkin' up the place but it's hot damn it's been kinda great having you. You're that ex-boyfriend who I swore off eight times but once you charm your way back in all sweet promises and sparkling good times I get all flushed and codependent and I forget how to get my key back. (again)*

But let's go back to the beginning, shall we?

In late January I began reading this book:

and not very quickly.

and not very thoroughly.

because I'm pretty sure this is a GREAT idea.

and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of a lot of food choices in order to get the full bene of some damn good moods.

and do you know what happened?

it caused a slip! okay a fall. Well actually a real tumble into sugardum as I prepared to change my diet entirely...

except I stopped reading.

(I know that I'm ridiculous).

And I also know that I'll reign it in my friends! And I'll be back here preaching the good word about how good I feel and how lame sugar is with a resounding cry of FU SUGAR! And of course cheering you on again as well.

But first?

I have to quit sugar again. (scheisse)

My friend Stefanie tells the truth about the sugar train here. I'll quit if she does.

*note: VERY happily married, this is purely theoretical and meant to be funny. ahem.

Lucky Charms are loosing some of their charm!

Check it!

They are taking the sugar content down from like a bajillion g's of sugar to just a bunch. That's great news! Clearly no one should eat this crap but I'm all for awareness.

Have you noticed it's virtually impossible to find sugarless cereal that doesn't taste like ass? The only one I've found is this Ezekiel Cereal. Gawd I heart them.

I don't know anything about the religiousness of these folks. I don care. But I do enjoy their cereals. The Raisin Cinnamon one has some sugar g's but they all come from raisin's which is aiiiight in my book.

Suger, you are a jackass and I hate your crystal-ee guts

For Christmas I made 3 pies with Agave - 2 pumpkin and 1 apple. And holysweethotyes batman, they were good. The thing (for me) about agave is it doesn't trigger my sugar response which is a little like this.
that was good. i need more. can I have more? where is more. not here? I'll go to where there is more. if you are between me and more you might want to move. more dammit!
Frankly that's pretty tame but you get the idea.


So someone (I won't name any names, my husband) wanted ice cream with the apple pie so that was fine, we got it. And I didn't have any ice cream on christmas, I was a true saint.

But then.

The other night.

He pulled out Mr Ice Cream to have with our agave/maple sweetened banana bread which is frakin' good and if any of you folks want to give up the crack for a hundy days I'll totally bake you some. Seriously.

Gulp.
Here (finally) is the confession. He said, "Honey, do you want some ice cream with your banana bread?" and I said.
"Sure!"

What? Ms fu sugar, what happened? It was a moment of weakness. It seemed like a good idea.

And then. I ate more.

(sob)

So watch your ass friends, that ice cream or scone or New Years fruitcake will sneak up on you and bite your butt. I woke up the next day with a sugar hangover, I was a grumpy discontented person. I am now on day 2 no sugar again.

Sigh.

Apple Pie, let's make out

Ok kids. I haven't baked that Pumpkin Pie below yet, that is forthcoming.

However I did bake an apple pie with agave. Hot Damn was it good.


I got all fancy and created this basket weaving 101 thing - not knowing what the hell I was doing but faking it hard.

Kinda worked.

Do you want the recipe? Ping me and I"ll hook you up. This will be happening again next week for Christmas along with the Pumpkin Pie. God bless you Agave.

holiday parties, here's the plan

Salted nuts. I'm telling you, that's the only way out of this mess.
Sure you'll have to drink alot of water, but you'll stay out of the pumpkindamnpie.

A friend asked us to bring a pumpin pie to a party. (say that five times fast) And since I want to be an overachievin' freaky character I thought I'd make one with Agave. End of day it's just so I can eat it, I'm not that impressive afterall.

Found this recipe (pasted below) - I'll report back on how it goes. NOT low in dairy, but as you know, not afraid of dairy.

Okay! Comon' Christmas parties, I'm ready for you. Do your worst!

(recipe credit:  Vibrantglow.com)


Naturally Sweetened without Sugar Pumpkin Pie
(and whip cream)

2 cups pumpkin puree*
(or 15 oz. of canned organic pumpkin)
1 9-inch pastry crust
¾ tsp pumpkin pie spice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp melted butter
3 eggs
¾ cup agave nectar
1/3 cup whole milk
2/3 cup heavy whipping cream

Real Whipped Cream Topping
1 pint heavy whipping cream
¼ cup agave nectar
1 tsp real vanilla

Directions:
1. In a large bowl, blend together two cups pumpkin, spice and salt. Beat in melted butter, eggs, agave nectar, milk and cream. Pour filling into pie shell.
2. Bake at 400 degrees for 50 to 55 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Refrigerate until serving.
3. To make whipping cream, pour one pint of whipping cream into chilled mixing bowl and add agave nectar and vanilla. Beat with chilled beaters until stiff peaks form. Refrigerate until serving.

* Pumpkin puree: preheat your oven to 450 F. Then, cut the top of the pumpkin off and remove the seeds and membranes. Cut pumpkin in half and place it face down in a baking dish. Add about a half an inch of water to the pan to keep pumpkin moist. Bake about 45 minutes until fork tender. Scrape the soft pulp from the skin into a food processor or blender. Pulse until pureed.

oh pumpkin pie, you're such a beyatch

OK, I'm confessing here. I did get 'involved' with the pumpkin pie. It was all brown and spongee and wait a minute, what about it was tempting? Harumph. I went there. Until it was gone. Until the glass pan fell on the ground and we said '45 second rule!' and ate it like dogs off the ground.

Ew.

But that's the power of the crack. By crack I mean Sugar. Powerful stuff.

Withdrawing again now. Once again I have pizza on my side, thank god. But in other news I did make a deelllicious Agave-sweetened Apple Pie. If you want, I'll give the recipe. It was even gluten free. What? Oh yes it was! But what the heck was the point when I got all cozy with the pump and the stuffin', I ask you?

How are the holiday's going for you? Stay strong friends!

thanksgiving, I'm not afraid of you!

Ok, maybe just a little.


But here's what I've noticed. So you eat that pumpkin pie. And let's get honest, you didn't need it. You were already SO damn full from the ginourmous plate o' stuff. But you feel, I dunno, entitled. Obliged.

But! If you say.

Efff You Sugar! I am bloated enough without you thanks!

Then the next day, you won't have the hangover. And the next day, you won't be so tempted by those dusty candycorns in the dish at that attorney's office. And the next day, you won't put just the tiniest bit of sugar in your tea because you had some yesterday. And then the days after that you won't slide down the slippery slope into the sugar hellride into the december holidayze and look up on New Years Day and go, oh shitdamn, what happened? I feel like crap and am wearing an extra five pounds all because of that DAMN PUMPKIN PIE. Don't do it friend, you can resist.

So All together now.

Eff you sugar! 

And I'm going to make an apple pie sweetened minimally with Agave. If it doesn't suck, I'll post the recipe here.