Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Fat Rats

I am so excited right now. Please follow this link for the full article, but here's the premise:

A Princeton University research team has demonstrated that all sweeteners are not equal when it comes to weight gain: Rats with access to high-fructose corn syrup gained significantly more weight than those with access to table sugar, even when their overall caloric intake was the same....  

..."When rats are drinking high-fructose corn syrup at levels well below those in soda pop, they're becoming obese -- every single one, across the board. Even when rats are fed a high-fat diet, you don't see this; they don't all gain extra weight."

Way to go Princeton,  y'all totally rule!

Now can we get these completely obvious liars and fakes to take their spots off the air? You know the ones.. They're all "What? High fructose corn syrup is FIIINEEE we've got really, really pretty people who are not obese and probably avoid it like the plague to stay that way and some lovely guitar music and nice graphics to prove it"

FU HFCS! FU Corn Refiners Assoc. FU Lying people who make that evil goop and are making us all sick! FU gawd damn bastards! Oh, it makes me angry. How is that okay even for a second to be such blatent lying diesease spreaders?

I guess I'm in my anger phase of the grief. Day 9 no sugar and while I'm still in mourning, I'm feeling oh so much better. SO MUCH BETTER! (even though I still yell alot)

Oh, for the record, I NEVER eat HFCS, even when I'm on the crack. I mean that is crackity, crack crack that makes my body literally shake if I have some. Ew.

But if you're interested in more about these spots and the responses, this chesseslave blog has a fun array of information as well as spoof's of the spots. Godblessher.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Day 6 Beyatches, Day 6

Ok people, here's the deal.

I am on Day 6 sans the effing sugar.
I have been FEELING my feelings all week, I don't recommend this.
If I've lost any weight, it's from the snot flying out of my nose from all the crying.

Just have to share this movie I made one of the bajillion times I"ve given up this crack.
Totally check it out:

Sunday, March 14, 2010

FU Sugar you're a whore with a limp and lipstick on your teeth

I guess I'm a little angry. Yes, at myself (obviously). But who better to take it out on then the monster in our cupboard, the sneaky stuff in every sauce, the innocent looking pretty white powdered stuff on the Sunday french toast?

Oh how effin' I hate you Sugar.

So. I'm finally going back in. My little drive around sugar street has sent me back to therapy and to the store for bigger jeans.

FU Sugar! FU you fawking dirty manipulative beyatch with your addictive properties and wiley ways.

I'm giving you up yet again. Maybe this time it will work. Maybe...this will be the time I kick it for good, just like I did the booze. Check it - I've gone almost 2 years w/o that shizzle. How 'bout them apples?

you: Hey Jane, how long have you been trying to get off the crack (sugar)?

me: A long damn time. It's not pretty, it's quite embarrassing.

you: Oh comon' tell us!

me: Dawg. I'll try...

In 1999 I read Sugar Blues and I thought, oh crap. That stuff is going to kill us. I managed to go 4 months w/o eating it. Then I got TAKEN DOWN by a reeses cup on a craft service table.  

In 2000-2001 I was off the crack for 15 months. Including my wedding. 

In late 2002 I talked a bunch of friends into going off for 90 days and gave them a 100 bucks if they did it. Boy that was nice of me, huh? (I think 3 were successful, including me)  We were Hardcore - I mean so damn strict...it was:
  1. No sugar
  2. No molasses
  3. No honey
  4. No booze
  5. No wine
  6. No beer
  7. No any of those f'd up names for sugar (for a list see the original post for this blog here.)
  8. No white flour (our thought was it turns into sugar too fast)
  9. No white rice (same as above)
  10. No ignoring our quest at restaurants. We decided that we had to ask waiters at restaurants if there was sugar in the dish. This was truly the hardest..'cause guess what? Most chef's use it. Know why? It makes everything taste really, really good.
My plan then was to shoot it for a documentary. In fact, I did shoot a bunch of our meetings but the problem was I never really followed everyone around to get the b-roll of the struggle that this is so that idea fell into a nice pile of tapes I've never watched. Sigh.

But, we did eat fruit. We were cool with fruit sweetened stuff. And. It was hard. And. Most of us lost weight and felt really damn good.

And 2002 to now? I've probably gone off and on sugar at least once or twice a year. Witness? This blog.

Ok, since I really can't stand the way I feel (or look) I'm going back in. Going to 2002 Rules in fact. The only sweetener I'm down with is Agave, I've talked about that before up here.

I'm not paying anyone 100 bucks this time, anyone want to bet me that I can't? Or that you can? We can do a tough guy show down on this blog. 

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


I guess you've been wondering....

you: Hey! What happened to FU Sugar Jane? She left off at cereal and we haven't seen her since?
me: (crickets)


You probably guessed it...

Into the sugary depths!
Swimming in a sea of delicious body-numbing-bone-crunching-cancer-causing-sugar.

Ohhhh sugar you beeyatch, you snuck back in the door and now you're lying around with big belly and your dirty feet on my coffee table. Your sweaty socks are stinkin' up the place but it's hot damn it's been kinda great having you. You're that ex-boyfriend who I swore off eight times but once you charm your way back in all sweet promises and sparkling good times I get all flushed and codependent and I forget how to get my key back. (again)*

But let's go back to the beginning, shall we?

In late January I began reading this book:

and not very quickly.

and not very thoroughly.

because I'm pretty sure this is a GREAT idea.

and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of a lot of food choices in order to get the full bene of some damn good moods.

and do you know what happened?

it caused a slip! okay a fall. Well actually a real tumble into sugardum as I prepared to change my diet entirely...

except I stopped reading.

(I know that I'm ridiculous).

And I also know that I'll reign it in my friends! And I'll be back here preaching the good word about how good I feel and how lame sugar is with a resounding cry of FU SUGAR! And of course cheering you on again as well.

But first?

I have to quit sugar again. (scheisse)

My friend Stefanie tells the truth about the sugar train here. I'll quit if she does.

*note: VERY happily married, this is purely theoretical and meant to be funny. ahem.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lucky Charms are loosing some of their charm!

Check it!

They are taking the sugar content down from like a bajillion g's of sugar to just a bunch. That's great news! Clearly no one should eat this crap but I'm all for awareness.

Have you noticed it's virtually impossible to find sugarless cereal that doesn't taste like ass? The only one I've found is this Ezekiel Cereal. Gawd I heart them.

I don't know anything about the religiousness of these folks. I don care. But I do enjoy their cereals. The Raisin Cinnamon one has some sugar g's but they all come from raisin's which is aiiiight in my book.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Suger, you are a jackass and I hate your crystal-ee guts

For Christmas I made 3 pies with Agave - 2 pumpkin and 1 apple. And holysweethotyes batman, they were good. The thing (for me) about agave is it doesn't trigger my sugar response which is a little like this.
that was good. i need more. can I have more? where is more. not here? I'll go to where there is more. if you are between me and more you might want to move. more dammit!
Frankly that's pretty tame but you get the idea.

So someone (I won't name any names, my husband) wanted ice cream with the apple pie so that was fine, we got it. And I didn't have any ice cream on christmas, I was a true saint.

But then.

The other night.

He pulled out Mr Ice Cream to have with our agave/maple sweetened banana bread which is frakin' good and if any of you folks want to give up the crack for a hundy days I'll totally bake you some. Seriously.

Here (finally) is the confession. He said, "Honey, do you want some ice cream with your banana bread?" and I said.

What? Ms fu sugar, what happened? It was a moment of weakness. It seemed like a good idea.

And then. I ate more.


So watch your ass friends, that ice cream or scone or New Years fruitcake will sneak up on you and bite your butt. I woke up the next day with a sugar hangover, I was a grumpy discontented person. I am now on day 2 no sugar again.


Friday, December 18, 2009

Apple Pie, let's make out

Ok kids. I haven't baked that Pumpkin Pie below yet, that is forthcoming.

However I did bake an apple pie with agave. Hot Damn was it good.

I got all fancy and created this basket weaving 101 thing - not knowing what the hell I was doing but faking it hard.

Kinda worked.

Do you want the recipe? Ping me and I"ll hook you up. This will be happening again next week for Christmas along with the Pumpkin Pie. God bless you Agave.