Sunday, March 14, 2010

FU Sugar you're a whore with a limp and lipstick on your teeth

I guess I'm a little angry. Yes, at myself (obviously). But who better to take it out on then the monster in our cupboard, the sneaky stuff in every sauce, the innocent looking pretty white powdered stuff on the Sunday french toast?

Oh how effin' I hate you Sugar.

So. I'm finally going back in. My little drive around sugar street has sent me back to therapy and to the store for bigger jeans.

FU Sugar! FU you fawking dirty manipulative beyatch with your addictive properties and wiley ways.

I'm giving you up yet again. Maybe this time it will work. Maybe...this will be the time I kick it for good, just like I did the booze. Check it - I've gone almost 2 years w/o that shizzle. How 'bout them apples?

you: Hey Jane, how long have you been trying to get off the crack (sugar)?

me: A long damn time. It's not pretty, it's quite embarrassing.

you: Oh comon' tell us!

me: Dawg. I'll try...

In 1999 I read Sugar Blues and I thought, oh crap. That stuff is going to kill us. I managed to go 4 months w/o eating it. Then I got TAKEN DOWN by a reeses cup on a craft service table.  

In 2000-2001 I was off the crack for 15 months. Including my wedding. 

In late 2002 I talked a bunch of friends into going off for 90 days and gave them a 100 bucks if they did it. Boy that was nice of me, huh? (I think 3 were successful, including me)  We were Hardcore - I mean so damn strict...it was:
  1. No sugar
  2. No molasses
  3. No honey
  4. No booze
  5. No wine
  6. No beer
  7. No any of those f'd up names for sugar (for a list see the original post for this blog here.)
  8. No white flour (our thought was it turns into sugar too fast)
  9. No white rice (same as above)
  10. No ignoring our quest at restaurants. We decided that we had to ask waiters at restaurants if there was sugar in the dish. This was truly the hardest..'cause guess what? Most chef's use it. Know why? It makes everything taste really, really good.
My plan then was to shoot it for a documentary. In fact, I did shoot a bunch of our meetings but the problem was I never really followed everyone around to get the b-roll of the struggle that this is so that idea fell into a nice pile of tapes I've never watched. Sigh.

But, we did eat fruit. We were cool with fruit sweetened stuff. And. It was hard. And. Most of us lost weight and felt really damn good.

And 2002 to now? I've probably gone off and on sugar at least once or twice a year. Witness? This blog.

Ok, since I really can't stand the way I feel (or look) I'm going back in. Going to 2002 Rules in fact. The only sweetener I'm down with is Agave, I've talked about that before up here.

I'm not paying anyone 100 bucks this time, anyone want to bet me that I can't? Or that you can? We can do a tough guy show down on this blog. 

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